Rough Cut

You can download my Rough Cut here. It is a 25MiB MP4 video file (MPEG4 AVC standard h.264 video, aac audio), which should play equally well in Quicktime and the VideoLAN Client. You can also download this file from a YouSendIt Post, in case the previous link did not work for you. The right-click, “save as” method would be optimal for the first link, while you must visit the second link.

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This last weekend – Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, were all 16-17 hour days for me. Some of the composites I’m attempting are rediculously complex (as I outlined in my last entry). I think I have made good progress in getting the skeleton of the composites I want there, and a rough outline of the sequence and progression of events.

The only work on the sound I did was on Friday, which time I spent developing new musical ideas with the granular synthesis of various Pop-songs and sounds. I also sampled my brother’s toy piano into Kontakt, which is the chime-like sound motif.

Understandably, given the previous information, the connections between audio and video on all of the newly completed portions of the animation is tenacious at best. I couldn’t really concretely develop the soundtrack until I knew the progression of images, and I can’t now concretely develop the editing until I have the soundtrack more tightly written around the current progression of images. Developing image and sound simultaniously and in conjunction is a difficult thing!

I watched my work of the last few days for the first time in real-time today at the rough cut critique session. Obviously there are issues with editing and thematic progression which just don’t work, conceptually and stylistically. I will be working to fix these, as well as developing the synchronization of sound and video in the latter portions. Humble thanks for all of the many kind and excellent comments and criticisms on my project by my fellow classmates, they are invaluable as I continue to develop this project.

For the sake of posterity, and since I transcribed them all attempting to understand them anyway, here are all of your comments. If any of you have revisions or clarifications, I would be glad to hear them. To anyone outside of class reading, keep in mind that these comments were written in extreme haste.

Rough Cut Critique Transcriptions of Corporeal Transposition.

Everyone was responding to the following questions:
1A. (Write this if you were in this filmmaker’s critique group) Given what you know about this film/video, how has the project developed in the past two weeks? Overall, what would you say the maker is trying to communicate?
1B. (Everyone else) Briefly describe what you percieve to be the overall intent of this media project. Generally, what would you say the maker is trying to communicate?
2. What, if any, structural suggestions would you make to strengthen this project? Be specific.
3. What, if any, suggestions would you make about the expressive language of the piece to strengthen it. Be specific.
4. What, if any, technical suggestions would you make to strengthen this project? Be specific.
5. What, if anything, seems to be missing? State the obvious?
6. Anything else you would like to say to this media artist?

Sally Cloninger:
1a. Much development structurally but if indeed, you are still attempting to critique violence et al in music video format, the end doesn’t seem to resolve very well.
2. It is more impressive as a 3d animation experiment than for its inherent meaning. I like the MTV credit that you used at end. I think you need to rethink some of the image progression. Do we wait to long to see “children watching?” Can we return to them more?
3. The expressive language is all about how skillfully you animate objects – not about a new set of visual ideas that critique violence, excess or spectacle.
4. more sound design – but this is a good start.

Julia Zay:
1b. I’m relying a lot on the title here to guide me -> “transposition” is the moving of one body or body part so another replaces it. The ‘transposition’ isn’t clear to me here. This seems to be ‘about’ gender in some way (not sure what specifically about it – other than that it, gender, is itself, grotesque – but is this a critique or a spectacle – I’m unsure.
2. What is controlling them? Make it clearer that they are being controlled – that these things happen to them.
3. Not sure how much you can change at this point, but I have a question about what the female + girl dolls are meant to represent. And what ‘femininity’ means here. Masculinity, too, to a lesser extent (since we see more “femininine” dolls and only one “masculine” doll.)
6. Animation is a great form in which to explore metamorphosis / transformation … but I really can’t tell what we’re meant to get about transposition/transformation here. I get a general sense of “the grotesque”.

Amber Smith:
1a. you have made amazing progress with this in the last week. It is flawless.
2. start has a definite plot and slowly forms into a tight ending.
3.Towards the
4. very strong.
5.The fan part is missing but I didn’t miss it.
The part where the barbies having sex turns into a tv screen and the metal correlates with the dings in the soundtrack awesome.

Pheobe Richards:
1b. sexuality or sex as messy, bloody, deteriating
I don’t really have anything negative to say. I think your work is strong. I liked the music… There was a break about 1/3 into it that seemed too abrupt (music wise) but that’s just me. It had built up then it went down a few levels all at once. One of a kind.
That puke/penis/cum stuff was awsome. And I love some period blood references – I do I do.

Ryan Jackson:
1. Comments on the objectification of women in media and the effects of media on society through the imagery of naive child dolls.
3. you seem to have nailed a specific language down very well.
4. no technical pointers.
6. I am glad that the child dolls ened up in constraints – symbolized the … umm… something. The oppressive effect of stereotypical imagery? I am not writing well right now.

Tristram McDermott:
1A. Although it’s a fuller piece I feel like a lot of the potency has gone away. Maybe it’s just numbing to the grossouts.
2. The data-chip scene is still spectacular – so much so that I’d hit it as the last shot into the transition away.
3. The static still feels funny. Especially on the big screen here due contrast was jarring in compare to the rest. If only static could be done in clay – the women gyrating in vast deserts also felt weak. Unfortunately I think you’ve stuck to your guns a little too much in terms of attempted commentary. My suggestion is to open it back up a ways, let it be looser.
4. you know more technical than I.
5. nadda sir.
6. Rock on Jed!
ps. Meat background wasn’t working for me.

Vanessa Postil:
1a. This piece has developed surely and steadily. From the first screenings to this one they’ve just kept getting better and better. Intent: creation -> decay + everything in between.
I really love the change in your title choice. I’m glad you did the music video title thing.
2.
At the very end when the Ken doll is touching the decayed barbie I was slightly confused with what he was doing.
3. Everytime I see your stuff I am overcome with admiration for your willingness to submerge yourself in something so cool looking. Youre entire animation creation speaks very clearly. Really nice movement.
4. Seriously Jed. It is so hard to critique you. Are other people critiquing you on these sheets or are they praising your brilliance?
5. Maybe the little girl doll sequence is .5 seconds too long. Not really.

You have successfully created beautifully grotesque object animation.

Morgan Dusatko:
6. This makes way more sense now than when I saw it the other day… Good job. It’s starting to look complex.
1b. this is a comment on tv culture – music videos especially.
I am not sure i’m qualified to critique this work work now.

Ian Wood:
Jed – Your piece has come along nicely. I get a little distracted towards the end, it might be a little too long, but maybe not. Your animation is obviously amazing so I won’t talk about that. Theatrically, it seems to lull a bit at the end. The part with the children is strong and the part w/ the Barbies kind of plugged into the main-frame with TV’s all over are both very effective and to the point. I just feel like if this was thinned out a little, it would be really strong. The music kind of lulls in the same way the animation does – it could all be a little more concise – that’s really the only advice I have.

Will Erokan:
- Landscapes
1b. deal with sexuality male female courtship screen women’s hand rips through his face, drg erupts onto her face naked dolls etc.

You can’t really give suggestions with stop motion, just because of the time it takes to redo something, however there are times when it is a bit choppy, but short of reshooting I don’t know what to tell you.

Melissa Turkington:
1B. Music video addressing various social issues w/ dark humor.
2. None, aside from music not terribly sync-ey at the end and I got everythingexcept the red swatch on the doll’s back around the same time. Grotesquery seemed entirely justified to me.
3. Make it less God-like. You’re making me look bad.
4. Nada! Wait! Credits?
5. Credits if you want ‘em.
6. Rough cut? Ha! You’re freaking amazing, man. You need to send this to someone. I think Maynard’s waiting.

Jeremy Stutes.
1. First of all – beautiful work – I see sexuality, representation, child development theory, image,
2. none
3. none.
4. none. Maybe a credit sequence?
5. Take it a step further – make it more disturbing. Honestly. It’s just popculture-looking right now.
6. Why are you standing on the counter? Your socks don’t match either. I noticed. I kind of like that.

Drew House:
Jedidiah Slocomb Smith
Should I worry about your relationship with women?
Visually stunning. You’re a talented guy.
Sick and creepy. Amazing visuals.
But your treatment of women is disturbing. That sounds heavier than I intended. You’re a genius. I mean it.
You need new pants! or new patches.

Tiffani Jenson:
1B. A structured new factory-esce appraoch of sex on tv., the dominance of a male vs. woman? hopefully this or something way beyond my means of comprehension @ this time. But the skill you have put yourself up against is so sweet and awe-inspiring I can’t not understand it?
2. Maybe an opening like you had for this “rough” would be interesting, since it is animation and sound.
3. I think you got this, the soundtrack performance plays so well.
4. I like the beginning “sounds” of this world that we enter, sounds of swamp or something? Include more into the sound structure in the piece…
5. I’m confused of the burial, coming out of the t.v. to the swampland. I’m in 2 or three worlds?…
6. Super cool, dude!

Brad Hutchinson:
1A. Leaps and bounds. This piece was really skeletol two weeks ago. now it is becoming very cohesive.
1B. Exploration of media representation and consumption.
2. Cut in the control people more.
3. The end bit with the barbie in the dirt needed to be correlated /seperated from the baby barbie stuff…
wasn’t clear who was dying.
4. The circuit board the dolls are on shakes. everything.

Tom Ellis:
1. We are brought to life and die by sex. This is a disgusting necessity, something we are addicted to proliferating. The media relies on it as much as we do. It fills the emptyness of the space between life and death.
2. structurally – elegant.
3. manipulated dolls/puppets to our creators. But at the same time begging the question who is our creator (not necessarily a religious question).
4. Technically AMAZING! Awesome image quality and sound design. But the rapid fire “blaster” sound when he buries her seemed caused by his thrusting… I didn’t quite get it. The lighting seemed lacking at that point too.

Torrey Richards:
1a. I think the new sections are great. The new sound at the begginning is an improvement. The sound at the end needs more work. I think it is clear you are trying to communicate that when young children watch t.v. they become sexual mutant deviants. A little more of the children watching as the piece progresses will help make your thesis clear.

Rachel Robert:
Jed -
As always – so awesome.
Everythings coming together.
The transitions w/ screens really underscore your intended content beautifully.
Think, maybe, the bit with the blond girl when she’s alone and just watching before she starts to change is a bit long.
And the ending is a little unclear.
I see it as
opening = intro and music video on TV of kids
kids = the corrupted youth of today
Robot Barbie + Ken = The fucking lunatics at the control board keeping it all going.
But what’s barbie doing w/ organic beef on her back getting buried and then why is Ken just kinda hanging out in the right of the frame for 2 minutes?
Nice music video titles at the end. I think it works, even with that pretensious name of yours.
Fantastic work! you should be proud. Definitely getting into grad school with this.
p.s. I liked it better when the shit that passed through the tube between robot barbie + ken moved more slowly (that’s how it used to be right??)

Melissa Bruns:
That was by for the best piece we’ve seen yet and probably will see.
1B. Music video; commenting on the relationship between men, women, children and technology + electrocution (?)
2-5: I don’t really feel qualified to say anything about your piece. It seemed complete and I could not have added anything to it.
6. You are insane in this brilliant and colorful way. Please never change.

Nichole Ketcherside:
1b. Well I believe the piece communicates something abotu adult sexuality influenced into the minds of youth, and about the grotesqueness of sex?
2. None.
3. None.
4. None.
5. None.
6. I have a lot of empty spaces because I am blown away and honored to be in the same class with you. I don’t even know enough about the work that had gone into the piece to say anything.

Randy Thompson:
1b. This piece seems to comment on the way in which sexuality is transmitted. Children are shown the rawness of sexuality first discovered, but the transmission of this info is digitized and the message is corrupted.
2. Maybe if you added more puppies? -no. The structure of the piece seems dictated by the 4 stages and the musical progression. I don’t think you should mess with that. Possibly work on the transition between the baby doll and the final cybernetic lovefest.
4. find some way to relight the first scene – j/k. some way to lighten it?

Andre Heard:
1a. Progress evident. The more I watch the more correlations expose themselves. The story is becoming very clear. I was given all the cues and like a good user … The contamination of media, this sewer we call home has never been so eloquently presented.
2. The transition back into the ‘TV’ realm could be more fluid as far as character developement goes. But it is enough to guide a viewer there.
3. Obviously this fantastical world is all to reminiscient.
4. On the technical side I think I saw your hand in the beginning. It is potent enough without the recombinance.

Amanda Nguyen:
1B. We are all @ the best (?) -> insides emat -> music video about meat decay and sex?
2. its good. music video format.
3. I think the of barbie is already an extremely powerful one.
4. damn looks hella good … what kinda advice would I have for you.
5. n/a
6. n/a
Good Job. I don’t even understand the tech language.

Julian Dawe:
Excellent MTV titles, but I feel like some of the plot may have been chopped with the children / dolls.
Musak was great – long crossfade between the first and second tracks seems to take too long… But that’s just me.

If its disturbing but tuff to understand that you want – you got it but the older mix made more sense to me.

P.S. The DVX blurred trees in the background just stands out because its green and everything else is red/blue.

Two thumbs up

Ben Blankenship:
1B. Intent/Theme: I felt your theme was media itself. The watching of the screen the technology of it, and the audience’s assuming of the projected reality.
2. Structure: I enjoyed the transition between inside the “T.V.” and outside – Which was which was never really clear. Structurally, I did not understand what heppened at the end when the child was buried or eaten and Ken showed up.
3. Very expressive. The darkness of the projected world is incredible.
4. Maybe more light on the clay man at the beginning.
5. Dogs, no dogs.
6. Awesome stuff, Jed.

Alex Tripp:
1. What would I say you’re trying to communicate? How utterly fucking disgusting without being literally disgusting music videos/ the world is.

2. Structures: Cool I guess. I dunno. It’s still rough of course. Maybe you’re standing on the cabinets, or whatever. You’re crazy. ANYWAYS the zoom to the 3 kids felt a bit slow. Musics sounding good though those granular bits, some of them aren’t fitting to well right now. But you know that. But it sounds good and will be good in the soundtrack. On I dunno. The Ken + DVX motion blur, good stuff.

Roshni Robert:
1B. Intent: Music video laden with grotesquity. What are you communicating: masculinity – grotesquity, objectification.
5. A clear reason why this is all happening.
6. Youre cinematography is pretty incredible. Especially the little girl with the blonde hair. The way her hair twitches is amazing and beautiful. You have such a keen eye for detail.

Graham Klyme:
1B. Other than exercising mixed animation to music, not entirely sure. Some sexual and voyeristic themes are evident.
2. The audio drags at times. As its difficult to see a climax and resolution, maybe a more obvious progression in the music (rather than three general movements) could set up a clearer narrative structure (if desired).
3. Creepy, outlandish.
4. Gosh, I think you’ve got the technical bits down.
5. The visual story wasn’t entirely coherent/clear, but I don’t know how to change that.
6. I think you’re going to polarize the audience: “I loved it” or “I didn’t care for it.” Unfortunately, I think most will make that opinion on aesthetics alone. But I think it’s pretty spiffy.

Chelsea Armijo:
1b. Music video communication / making a comment on pop-culture. Also sexuality, meat, technology.
2. Overall structure was strong.
3. The expressive language could be shocking to some audiences, but it successfully created a creative and tangible language. I would like to watch it again. I really enjoy your work!

Steffi Justice:
1b. Not sure on intent – Music played a role – sex, men/women – children technology / nature.
2. The piece flowed tightly together.
3. The piece was interesting to visually watch and I got a sense there was something going on.
4. Amazing work – a lot of complex effort is shown in the piece. Very tight – visually for me – Even if parts made me a bit uncomfortable watching w/ my classmates.
5. The clear objective of the piece – yet how would you state it w/o weakening the piece?
6. I always enjoy watching your work – even if in my current frame of mind in my life makes it edge – this is something I can really enjoy. Somewhere the message seems to get lost.

Micaela Colman:
1b. I really liked this piece but I’m unclear as to the exact meaning of it. I got something about what we where teaching our youth.
2. No structural suggestions.
3. I really liked the language of the piece.
4. Technically it is a very tight piece. However at the end did I see the shadow of your thumb.
5. I don’t think anything is missing.
6. I really liked how everything moved to the beat. Not sure what black clay man meant. Reminded me of Jim Blashfield. Good work.

Drena Sellers:
1B. I’m not quite sure what the intent is for this piece.
2. The piece doesn’t really make sense to me so it’s hard to say what kind of structure to go for.
3. To fade out at the end. Don’t leave music on please.
4. n/a
5. lol – that would be an easy shot!
6. nice 3D. Freaky and wierd but nice 3D.

Ian Harrison:
1B. This seemed to be a comment on the media and the effects it has on the viewers.
6. I am in no place to make suggestions because that was amazing. I am a huge fan of stop motion especially with creepy dolls and that is some of the most impressive stuff I’ve ever seen from a student filmmaker. Bravo

Dave Weiner:
1. You have to me, progressed alot. The images are clear and fluid, the structure is good, the soundtrack is good -> sorry, I don’t want to criticize anything. I would feel bad if I made you do more work. Nice ending. Cheers

Jeremiah Jones:
1. Visual experiments with the sanitary and the dirty w/ it all as an attack on the way these things are percieved.
2. The looping squishy sex scene could have a non-looping background to break the loop feel.
I was lost when the puking baby doll came up.
I may have mind the connection to the siade deforit (?)
3. return of the meat towards the end meat in machine or something like that.

Unknown commenter:
1a. Animation skills
1b. music video
2. none really
3. very sexual + observatory
4. no technical suggestions
5. The title to the actions in the piece.
6. Lots of work – stretched yourself – not too graphic Gets your point accross.

Bonnie Fallahi:
1b. Something about gender roles – otherwise I’m not sure except to explore your amazing imagination and media skills.
2. Be more clear about the progression of the piece – visually – maybe your metaphor or representation.
3. The expressive language is very expressive – but maybe more language – but this is maybe that this isn’t my generation.
4. NONE – I don’t think I would attempt that! Youre an inspiration in that area.
5. Clear content or at least clearer.
6. I’m always impressed!

Lindsey Salls:
1a. Well its finally “finished.” I’m really glad you did the music video titles. It’s about how sexualized music videos have become.
4. The only thing I noticed that wasn’t up to par with the rest of your work was one shot of a barbie in front of a green screen on the television. You could see a green (or blue?) glow around her. Fix it.
6. It’s too good. ha.

Nadia Buyse:
1b. This is a visual music piece, with themes of transition, decay, and developement.
2. there’s a definite progression and ending
3. I think, for me personally, I found some of the imagery slightly gratuitous and I’m unclear about what kind of point your making. Especially with the girl dolls in bondage covered in blood. I’m not sure how intentional you’re being, it kind of scares me… and I don’t scare easily.
4. technically, I love what you’ve done with the place.
5. I like the simplicity of the music, it relies heavily on the visual and you’re consistant w/ sonic themes.
6. Good work friend.